things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
this will be a night to untag.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
