What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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