Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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