At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
