Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
