Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
