Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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