The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
