I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
