Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize