I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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