It's Friday. Sex?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
