I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i believe in u and ur pee
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
