Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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