my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
