I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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