ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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