ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
