Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize