bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
