PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
