I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
