shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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