I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
