just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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