Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
