Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
