when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
