It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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