Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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