please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
