oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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