ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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