I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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