Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
