The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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