NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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