it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
