I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
