how can u be prego again
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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