Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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