did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
