There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
