when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
