so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
