idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
