dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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