dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he fucked my hip out of place.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize