there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
