The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
