what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
