Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
