I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
