I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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