He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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