Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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