I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
