why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
