I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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