I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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