Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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