you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
