dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
