A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
