I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
