I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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